Wishes and Realities
by Megwill
Summary: Beckett pushed her four year old daughter in the backyard of the Hamptons. She hated play dates, Beckett wasn't a people person, but Alexis was visiting and she tagged along for this one. It made it bearable and se was thankful. Then the dogs barked, alerting all of them to a presence at the front door. No one knew how drastically life would change in mere seconds for all of them.


I understand this is a sad story. Kate and Rick both live, but I had to get some stuff off my chest. The little guy was sitting in my lap and asked me exactly what Anna asks Alana and then he said verbatim what Anna said to Alexis at the end. To everyone serving and everyone at home that has a significant other or family member serving. Watch Castle of Glass by Linkin Park. That is what brought this whole thing up, m kid saw it and the questions came.

* * *

Beckett pushed her four year old daughter on the swing as she spoke with her daughter's friend's mother, Sara, as well as Alexis. The Hamptons was a nice getaway and while Beckett wasn't a people person, Alexis made playdates bearable, and Beckett's daughter's friend's mother; Sara Richards didn't seem too bad.

"Higher push me higher!" demanded Johanna. Though, most people that were close to her had taken to calling her Anna, pronounced Annah.

Sara smiled, "Emma is the same way. Four is such a demanding age."

Kate and Alexis nodded and gave a smile in agreement. Then the large Golden Retrievers, once so quiet were now at their feet, barking and racing toward the front of the house.

Sara shook her head and laughed, "I'll be right back do you mind watching Alana a moment?"

"Of course not." Kate said and Sara ran to the front door still excited to have company. She didn't have a lot of company lately. She swung the front door open and froze at who she saw in front of her. She shook like a leaf as she shook her head back and forth no. "No. No. No." her voice was cracking and her eyes were leaving silent tracks down her face.

"I'm sorry." The man said. Though, his sorry didn't bring back her husband!

"It's not enough! NOOOO!" she screamed so loud Beckett looked at Alexis and made her way into the house. Sara was sitting on one of the kitchen bar stools. Beckett noticed the flag in her hands and the tears streaming down her face immediately.

She hesitantly walked over to Sara. She didn't realize her husband was in the military.

"He's not coming home." Sara stated to no one in particular and then looked at Beckett. "How am I going to tell Alana?" Sara tilted her head as she looked deep in Kate's eyes.

Kate thought of Castle. What would she do? How would she feel or tell their child that she was never going to see her daddy again? She didn't know.

Kate placed a hand on Sara's, "I don't know Sara, but I know you can." Beckett held her hand as she looked into Beckett's eyes she only nodded in agreement.

Suddenly, Alexis walked inside with the two children next to her. She saw the folded up flag and Sara's face and knew immediately what had happened. She and Beckett held each other's gaze a moment then Johanna ran to Kate happy to spot her mother, "Mommy I missed you. Why did you go inside?" Beckett smiled, kissed Johanna's hair and sat her on her lap quiet.

Alana started to run up to her mother as well, but stopped short. Walking cautiously up to her mother she hesitated to speak when she reached her, "Mommy why are you crying?"

Sara's tears came faster once her daughter spoke and suddenly her silent tears weren't as silent. She grabbed Alana in her arms and held her close rocking her, "I love you so much Alana. You know I love you so much, right baby?" Sara tried to smile through her tears. Alana was confused and became nervous at her mother's behavior.

"I know mommy. Mommy stop, stop crying." Sara shut her eyes a moment.

Johanna was silent as she watched her friend's mom cry and hold onto Alana. She looked up to Beckett with a familiar furrowed brow, "Mommy, why is Alana's mommy crying?"

Kate brushed her daughter's brunette hair back, "She's sad Anna."

"Why mommy? Why is she sad?" Johanna wouldn't let up.

Alana took her mommy's wet face in her small hands, "Mommy, why are you sad?"

Sara looked at her daughter's face. She had her husband's big blue eyes and blonde hair. Sara inhaled and Alexis and Beckett glanced at one another. "Some men came to the door a little while ago and they gave me some bad news sweetie."

Alana cocked her head to one side, "What did they say?"

Sara inhaled a big shaky breath, "Daddy's not coming home."

Alana looked frustrated, "I know mommy… you already told me. Three more months left. I flipped the page today." Alana smiled and Alexis looked at her feet.

"Alana, daddy isn't ever going to come home again." Sara managed to squeak out between tears.

"But I want him to! That's not fair! I've been waiting forever! I want him too! He promised!" Alana screamed and Sara hugged her daughter.

"I know baby I feel the same way. I know." Sara cooed as she rubbed Alana's back.

"Why isn't your daddy coming home?" Johanna piped up ever the curious Castle and Alexis closed her eyes momentarily as did Beckett.

Sara swallowed and looked at both children to Beckett and then back into Johanna's eyes, "Her daddy died." There was no easy or simple way to put it. The raw truth was out.

Alana looked at her mommy, "Daddy died?"

Sara shook her head yes and with every second that passed by Beckett and Alexis felt more and more out of place. Outsiders that were stuck in a moment they were not meant to exist in.

Alana was quiet for a bit and then the tears started. Sara moved herself and her daughter to the couch and Beckett looked at Alexis, this was their cue to leave and leave without notice they did.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Castle and Beckett were lying in bed. Alexis was in her room and Kate had put Anna to bed an hour ago.

Castle wrapped his arm around his wife, "So, how was Anna's playdate today?" Castle smiled. Kate didn't.

Kate turned around in his arms so she could see him. She wrapped her arm around his torso and then brought it to his face. She ran her fingers through his hair then lightly traced his jaw and cheek bone she finally let her hand come to rest on his neck.

"Rick, I love you. You are a wonderful person and a great man. Don't ever doubt how much I love you. I love our family so much." Kate said as she stared into his eyes and gently rubbed feather light circles on the back of his neck with her fingers.

Castle sat up, but said nothing. Only gave her a look that she knew oh so well. He knew there was more to the story and she knew he wanted to hear it.

"It didn't go so well." Beckett admitted and Castle waited. There were a lot of cars outside the Richards when he drove by tonight. Were they not invited to a party, but Beckett would have made up an excuse not to go anyway.

Beckett inhaled, "Sara's husband…"

"Mark?" Castle asked.

"I don't know his name." Beckett admitted.

"Anyway, he was in the military Castle. CNO showed up at her front door." Beckett said and looked away from his eyes momentarily, remembering.

"I'm sorry Kate what is a CNO?" Castle wondered and it was okay. The force was her life, what she knew, not him.

"Causality Notification Officer. Castle, Mark is dead." Beckett added for emphasis.

"Oh My God…and you…." Castle put the pieces together.

"Alexis, Anna, and I were there when she received the news." Beckett confirmed.

"Oh God." Castle said and pulled her closer to him. She snuggled her head into him.

"Castle I don't know what I would do if I was Sara." She whispered and then pulled back to look at him, "I don't ever want to lose you. Do you understand? You aren't allowed to have anything happen to you, ever." He squeezed her tighter and stroked her hair.

"No, no. I'm not going anywhere baby, I'm right here, always." Castle reassured her.

Though, she knew that wasn't true and either one of them could go at any moment.

Beckett disregarded the thought and snuggled closer to Castle as he wrapped her tighter in his arms.

"Alexis was the one who brought the girls inside." Beckett whispered and she felt Castle nod against her.

"She noticed right away what had happened and reacted well." She felt Castle nod against her again.

"What about Anna?" Castle wondered of his youngest and Beckett sighed.

"She asked Alana why her daddy wasn't coming home." Beckett said.

Castle's eyebrows shot up, "…and then?"

Beckett sighed, "Then Sara answered Anna. Suddenly the reason Alana's daddy wasn't coming home registered with her and she began to cry."

Castle stroked Beckett's hair, "She didn't know not to ask."

"It needed to be done. I actually think Sara was glad Johanna asked. I don't think she knew how to tell her. Suddenly, everything sunk in when Anna asked one simple question and Sara took Alana over to the couch and sat with her. We took that as our cue to leave so we did." Beckett snuggled herself closer to Castle.

"I told Johanna about war on the way home. I told her mommies and daddies do come home, but sometimes some mommies and daddies don't." Beckett frowned and pulled back to look at Castle, "Castle do you think I said that right? Told her the right thing?"

"There is nothing right about war. You explained it fine. You're a great mother." Castle smiled, kissed her forehead and drifted off to sleep.

It was early morning and the sun was just starting to rise over the ocean and filter in the windows. The flag a couple of houses down from theirs was at half mass. The light filtered around the flag as it waved in the wind.

Anna, per usual, was up early and on her way to sneak into her parent's bedroom when she stopped seeing her big sister outside on the porch drinking coffee she walked outside to climb in her lap.

"Lexis?" Anna laid her head on Alexis' chest and she covered her with her monogramed blanket.

"Hhmmm?" Alexis was enjoying the quiet.

"I wish all the daddies could come home." Anna said followed by a yawn.

Alexis kissed the top of her head, "Me too, baby. Me too."


End file.
